I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
