I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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