the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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