The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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