I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
