all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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