I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
