you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
