i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
