You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
