member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
