She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
