How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
