I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
