can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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