I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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