apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
