Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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