What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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