I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
