Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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