he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
