Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
