barbara walters just said penis...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
