What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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