Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
