she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
