I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
