Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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