anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
