remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
