I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
