conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
