We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
