Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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