I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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