you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
