just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
