It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
