I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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