Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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