finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
