did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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