I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
