Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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