the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
