Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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