So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
