I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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