Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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